I had a beautiful conversation with a client, speaking of her fear of death since having had several miscarriages.
It brought back the memory of my own fears that I once struggled with.
This is something that increasingly haunted me with the loss of my babies. I had become so fearful of the loss of my family members and fur-babies that I never wanted to speak of my fear, for fear of making it a reality!
I knew this was no way to live, but I didn’t know how to cope with my fears.
When I finally learned that its very common for women who have experienced multiple losses to feel this strong fear of death, I actually felt some relief.
Its natural to feel this way after loss as we become so much more aware of just how fragile life is.
So, if this is you, please know you’re not alone!
So, what can you do?
- First of all, if this is a new experience for you, the feelings may gradually fade away in time.
- Recognize you fears – take a moment and really feel into that space. Where are you feeling this? What does it feel like? Where is this particular feeling coming from? By taking a moment to be truthful with how you feel and why, you can begin to rationalize exactly why this is coming up at this moment in time and begin to accept them.
- Speak your fear out loud – By speaking your fear and identifying why its there, it gives you a new sense of freedom. By acknowledging your fears you begin to take back your power.
- Call on your Angels – Your angels are ready and willing to support you, they’re just waiting for you to ask. Call on your angels and ask them to surround you or your loved one with a protective bubble of love and light. When you ask, don’t do this from a place of fear but of thankfulness.
- Gratitude – Create a habit of being grateful for each moment of your day. Whether you start your day or finish it with gratitude, a grateful heart lets you see what you have right now, in this moment and can help to dissolve the fears before they arise.
The intention here is that death is inevitable for all of us, yet we can learn to enjoy our life again to the fullest and experience all of the love, peace and joy that we desire.
What is that thing that makes your heart sing,
That, in the dark of night you can see the light.
Shining bright and lighting your way,
Take courage, dear one, today is your day
You have a gift, its time to shine,
Fear no more, you will be fine.
Hold your stake, hold it high,
Your fire is burning deep inside.
Know with certainty, your truth inside,
Embrace your destiny, do not hide.
They say “The Magic happens just outside your comfort zone!”
As an introvert, I’ve allowed my insecurities associated with that to hold me back.
What has really held me back? FEAR.
At my heart, I am an adventurous person!
Along with my family I once lived in the wilderness of northern Canada, miles from civilization! For many years, we had no electricity, no running water, we grew our own food and lived off the land. It was a hard life but it fueled the adventurous spirit in me.
I traveled alone to Australia, when many thought I shouldn’t go alone!
If I had not followed my heart, I would not have met my future husband!
I would not have lived in New Zealand; I would not have realized my love for senior citizens (I landed a great job as a caregiver in N.Z.)
I would not have taken a back-packing trip with my husband through Australia, Europe and South-East Asia, where an unplanned detour took us to Sumatra at a time when there were street demonstrations and riots triggered by economic issues. We managed to get out on one of the last small, wooden boats where we sat on the roof on bags of lime leaves with a CNN crew! It was an adventure of a lifetime!
It pays to follow your heart. To trust your intuition.
Other Fears Conquered:
I went snorkeling over the Great Barrier Reef and I can’t even swim! (I trusted complete strangers to stay by my side)
I’ve always hated running as a sport, but after months of training, I ran and completed a half marathon!
I jumped out of an airplane from 10,000’ with a free-fall of 45 seconds! I have to admit, there was complete terror at the thought of
this, but after the jump… I wanted to do it again! I pushed through my fear and came out exhilarated with the experience!
Somehow though, when it came to actually putting myself “out there” it felt different. I listened to the gremlin of my inner critic for far too long and doubted my ability to be the person I wanted to be. I allowed insecurities to grow as I compared myself to others, allowing my confidence to shrink and nearly disappear.
What I am learning is that COURAGE is not staying right where you are and hoping something might miraculously change. Fears will always be with us in one form or another however, having the courage to step outside that comfort zone and take a risk; that is empowerment! Its stepping into who you really are, your true authentic self, which goes a long way toward turning fears into courage.
Take courage and follow your heart!
A heart of kindness…
It’s the little things that make a difference in someone’s life.
As we go about our day, how much time do we take for a simple act of kindness?
A moment to lift someone’s spirit or maybe change a life. To give from a place that’s pure with no expectation in return.
A friend shared a story of how after going out one evening to pick up dinner for her family, she saw an elderly, homeless woman sitting in the rain on the side of a curb. My friend felt compelled to turn around and just sit with the woman. She asked if she was hungry and gave the woman her own dinner. They sat with tears running down their faces in the rain as they took in that one small moment of caring. As my friend gave the woman a hug, she continued home with a new found desire to help others even in smallest of ways.
I found her story so inspiring and its given me a new perspective on the simple act of kindness.
Simply sending a silent blessing of health and happiness as we pass a stranger on the street, lending a helping hand or maybe showing appreciation for others.
What a joy it is to take a small moment of time to create a selfless act, to show compassion and in doing so, your small acts flow back to you like ripples in a pond when you toss in a stone.
“My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness.” Dalai Lama
By offering a little kindness, we create a Universal movement of energy. If you want joy, give joy. If you offer peace, we will find a sense of peace, a calm kind of grace. Our heart swells for just a moment as we send blessings out into the Universe. The energy we give, we will receive; maybe not from the same source, maybe not in that moment of time, but it will find its way back to us.
When we give from our heart, from a true, authentic place, we allow our-self to expand.
How do you want to feel?
Much of my story is probably not much different to most people on some level.
As children, we are raised on the values of the adults around us and what is important to them.
Then come the teen years where we take on some of those values for ourselves and experiment with new ideas and concepts. We become more of an individual and tend to test everything we’ve been taught as our freedom expands.
As young adults we learn to stand in our own space and while all of life is a transition for growth, we begin to understand what holds us to our own values.
My story has always been to please others. I have always been a people-pleaser. I’ve put my own desires on a back-burner while making sure everyone around me is happy and cared for. Sadly, over the years, I realized I didn’t know who I was or what was important to me.
I remember when I first was married, whenever my husband asked what I wanted – my reply was always “whatever you want.” Now, many years later, he doesn’t hear that very often! But the point is I was lost; I wasn’t able to stand in my own power.
Then last year I came across a wonderfully written book by Danielle LaPorte, The Desire Map. Starting at the beginning of the book, every page is dog-eared, highlighted, underlined and personal notes added. My soul was awakened.
I learned that getting clear on how I wanted to feel and doing whatever it took to create those feelings, is the most creative thing I could do for my life.
“Start where it feels easy.”
My list was large and over time, I got it down to ten, then five.
JOY, CONNECTION, FLOURISH, FREE, SHAKTI
I lived with these for a while until I realized that while JOY envelopes every feeling and desire I have, CONNECTION was my true desire. Connection to Spirit, to nature, to family, to everything that is important to me.
CONNECTION served me and started me on a brand new path of searching for more. One year later, all that has transpired in my life is amazing; growth, expansion all guided by my CDF – Connection! I now have completed a brand new session of desire mapping, and have three new Core Desired Feelings that serve my heart and soul… SACRED, WILD, FREE
SACRED – My desire for a deeper connection with all that is sacred guides me every day; through meditation, learning, seeking and life.
WILD – I stand in my own power! I create my own path and embrace the magic within it!
FREE – To expand, to live life to my fullest potential, guided by my intuition to lead a life that is right for me!
What are some of your Core Desired Feelings?
They may surprise you!