This is my story of finding peace after healing my heartache of five miscarriages and coming to the realization that I would be a childless woman. Several years ago, I had a miscarriage. Then I had another and 3 more after that. Its interesting how the experience of losing a child you’ve never met, can change your life. My constant companions were anxiety, shame, low self-esteem and an underlying inner sadness that followed me for many years. Not one you could see from the outside looking in, as I learned to bury my emotions and only let them out on rare occasions.
Pregnancy Loss changed my life in ways I could never have imagined. Adding to my heartache of five pregnancy losses, was coming to terms that I would never be a mom. For my husband and I, there would be no rainbow babies, we didn’t have the financial resources for IVF or to pay adoption fees. Trying to understand how I could be a woman and not be a mother was devastating for me. In time, my health and energy drastically declined, I was at an all time low, I knew things had to change. I was mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually drained. I couldn’t see the beauty of life all around me. I felt cheated out of the joy of having our own children. I couldn’t comprehend how life could just go on. How could the sun keep shining and the moon continue to rise? How could the birds sing and flowers continue to bloom in all their beauty, when I felt so empty inside?
I desperately wanted to feel a deep sense of both peace and joy. I felt like both had been missing from my life for a very, long time. This realization was the first step in my road to healing. My desire for peace was leading me to fully grieve and heal the loss of my babies; even after so many years had passed! As time went by, I slowly began to hear the whispers of my soul. I had withdrawn completely from all things spiritual. Having been raised in a religious community, I wanted nothing to do with God. I wondered where this loving God was when all my babies were being taken from me.
Through the darkness of my grief, I began to follow the whispers of my soul. I implemented new spiritual practices, meditation was one, then I was drawn to learn Reiki. Slowly, my heart began to heal and I was able to put so much into perspective.. So often, our journey to healing happens as a result of our own experiences and this is certainly the case for me. If you’d like to read more of my story, you can do so here. It was due to my healing journey that I became an energy healer. Through this amazing gift, I’m able to hold space for women just like you who are ready to heal, from the inside out. My desire is to be a channel of peace for those of you who are ready to create a new story, one of peace and healing!
This is a chance for us to get to know each other, for me to offer you some support and to see if we are a good fit to work together.
Tracey Swainson is wife and fur baby mama, first and foremost. She’s also an intuitive healer and mentor, passionate about supporting women who have experienced the emotional trauma of pregnancy loss. She brings healing both to the spiritual and physical bodies through intimate, sacred, supportive one on one sessions. It was the emotional and spiritual healing of her own pregnancy loss experiences that fully birthed her into this sacred work. Tracey empowers women to transform their broken hearts and guides them to remember their inherent truth so they can gain closure and heal from the inside – out.
In the Media…
A beautiful conversation with Sheaya Biddle, Spiritual Grief Coach, where we discuss the active role we must take to heal our broken hearts after experiencing grief. Its very much an intentional decision and one we both made to find peace after loss.
A conversation with the beautiful Reiki Master Teacher Celine Harleaux. In this episode of ‘Find Yourself – Journeys to Self-Love’, which is 1 of 4, we talk about opportunities to learn in times of crisis. How to rise beyond the challenge.
In this episode of our ‘Find Yourself – Journeys to Self-Love’ series, Reiki Master Teachers Ce’line Harleaux and I talk about opportunities to try something new. Our suggestion? Try distant Reiki!
In this episode of our ‘Find Yourself – Journeys to Self-Love’ series, Reiki Master Teacher Celine Harleaux and I talk about change. How it impact our lives. How we can use this force for the greatest good and how we can embrace change, with ease and grace!
BONUS: Includes a FREE ThetaHealing® meditation!
Another great conversation with Sandra Dawes of Embrace Your Destiny, where we discuss my healing process, how so often its our dark times that give us purpose in life and the importance of self-care.
Embrace Your Destiny
This conversation with Mitle Southey of Spirited Sisters Podcast is deep and very personal story of pregnancy loss and the heartache of not becoming a mom . In so many ways, this is still a taboo subject and although so many of us experience this loss, we rarely talk about it. This conversation is filled with inspiration, hope, comfort and practical and emotional tools and practices to explore and embrace. Some of this will be deeply triggering, so please do use your discernment in deciding whether to listen in or not and seek the support that you need.