It’s that magical time of year.
Bright, colorful lights;
Family gatherings around tables of our favourite food;
Twinkling eyes of children, waiting in anticipation for their favorite jolly guy in his bright red suit;
And a new hope for what might come in the New Year!
Yet for you, your heart may feel broken, maybe tears are welling up in your eyes.
If your still in pain after having lost a pregnancy, this time of year can be particularly lonely. You feel empty inside and the joy of others might make you want to crawl under the covers until the New Year.
- Give yourself Permission
Holiday gatherings can be overwhelming with well-intentioned, somewhat misguided comments from loving family or being in close proximity to pregnant friends and small children. At times like this, give yourself permission to excuse yourself early or politely bow out of even attending a gathering this year. Emotions after a pregnancy loss can run high and these settings may just add to your levels of stress. At the same time, a change of scenery can help lift your spirits, so listen to your heart and follow its lead.
I know, I know. You hear this so much that you’re thinking, Pulleassse! My heart might feels so numb and broken, how can I possibly feel grateful?! I get it, yet the reality is, choosing gratitude will lift your spirits and at the same time, it helps you to see the little miracles around you. Just simply going through the motions of gratitude, sparks some simple changes, even without your awareness. A simple smile, a warm hug, a thank you. Just give it a try, before you get out of bed in the morning and before your eyes close at night, think of three things your grateful for. You can write them down or say them out loud but do this for 10 days and see how your list begins to grow.
- Light a Candle
There’s something so peaceful about lighting a candle and no one else needs to know the purpose of it, if you don’t want to share it with them. On the eve of your holiday, light a candle in remembrance. As the wick begins to burn, set the intention that you are holding space for your baby and the healing of your broken dreams, as you send out your love to your little one. There’s something very comforting about this and you can even do it as you sit down for your family dinner, knowing that you are sending blessings out to all you love.
- Hold a Ceremony
This is a beautiful time of year to hold a ceremony of any kind but especially for your baby. If you have family or friends that are aware of your loss, use this time to have your nearest and dearest support you. Choose a space that feels safe for you, physically, mentally and emotionally. Make it sacred.
Have everyone bring a candle that you can each light to honor your baby. You could ask someone to read a poem or you could write a letter to your little one. Whether you read it out loud or lay it near your circle of candles, just do what’s right for you.
This is a time of remembering, of honoring and releasing. You may want to say a prayer or choose a special blessing. Just know that this is all for you, trust what feels right.
When you’re ready, you could plant your letter under a special tree or flower or even burn it and release it to the heavens.
In closing, ask those who gathered with you to write a message of hope. Each message could then be tied with a ribbon to your tree or placed in a special box for you to read in your own time.
Distinguish your candles and thank everyone for all they brought to your space.