Grief can Show us our Capacity for Love
6 years ago.
Life looked amazing.
Surrounded by beauty.
A loving husband who I adore, family, fur babies and a home full of amazing international students!
From the outside, my life was great. It really was!
On the inside, there was an inner heart ache.
Not present in every moment, but in the dark of night.
The quiet times.
In those solitary moments the tears would fall.
My sadness would bubble up from deep inside.
The on-going question of “Why?!”
No matter how hard I tried to disguise the emptiness that I felt inside, it would always sneak up behind me at the most in-opportune moments!
Setting the table for Thanksgiving for all who would be present, for everyone, except for 5 babies.
Remembering the magic of Christmas as a child, but knowing that we would never have a child who would have that experience.
Birthdays would come and go and no one would ever remember them but me.
Mother’s Day, by far the most difficult day of all!
All of this had been building inside of me for years, the ache of loss.
I didn’t know what to do with all my emotions of grief, I didn’t know how to grieve.
Yet slowly, it bubbled up from deep within.
Until one day, I looked in the mirror.
My soul was crying out for JOY.
That was the moment that everything changed. It wasn’t immediate.
It was slow and gentle, just as it should be.
My healing needed my grief.
It awakened something inside of me and gave me space to begin my journey to peace.
This was my path.
I needed to feel the pain of grief, it could not be by-passed.
I had desperately held onto my grief because it was the last remaining tie I had to my babies. I thought if I let that go, then I would be left with nothing.
And then, who would I be?
Today, I’m so grateful that I chose this path.
I’ve been to the depths and risen up through it all.
I’ve learned that grief can become a friend, who walks by my side to remind me of the magnificence of life!
Grief can be a balm for our broken hearts.
Grief shows us our capacity of love.
Grief is a skill that must be learned.
My journey with grief has taught me to dive deep into nurturing practices that have brought me so much peace.
So that today, I can show you.
So that together, we can shine a light into your shadows of grief.
So, you too, can make peace with your past.