My Story

“We entered your womb through the channel of love

and it is through love that we returned.”

Your Children of Light

Between 2000 and 2008, my husband and I lived through 5 miscarriages.

The first time we didn’t know we were pregnant.  Thankfully I worked at a hospital and I had a very kind doctor there to support me.  this pregnancy took me off-guard and while I was sad, I was also excited to know I could get pregnant. 

It wasn’t long though before I also miscarried my second, third, and fourth babies.   Each of these babies chose to leave my body at the end of my first trimester and I was absolutely devasted. 

With each loss, I lost a piece of myself along the way.

My constant question was “Who am I?”  If I wasn’t to be a mom, then what was the purpose of my life?  I longed to be a mother, to have a family.  But it wasn’t meant to be.

My heart had closed and I went into a dark space where I lost myself for several years.  I carried layers of unresolved grief with every loss and while life looked great from the outside, my inner world became one of deep sadness, EVERYTHING had changed.  I didn’t know how to be happy; I felt undeserving of joy.

In some weird way, it felt comforting to hold on to my grief, as I felt like it was all that I had left of my babies. 

And then, several years later while on a trip overseas, I found out on our 11th wedding anniversary that we were pregnant again!  I felt like this was a sign!  This was the one that would stay, it just felt so right and so special.  But no, it wasn’t to be.  

This time though, something was different.  As my baby passed through my body, I felt the most incredible sense of peace.  Each time before had been complete terror, devastation, excruciating pain and once again, sinking into a depression of grief.

This time, I was calm, and as my baby passed through my body, I held it.  I told it everything I needed to say. Everything that I didn’t have the awareness to say with my other losses.  I knew in my heart that this would be my last time to be pregnant and I wanted to make every moment count.

As I was at a friend’s home, I had no choice but to release my baby and flush the toilet.

And while I still felt a deep sense of sadness, something had changed.  I recognized my baby’s soul and his soul had connected with me.  My entire being felt at peace and there was a light around me that I couldn’t explain at the time.

This began my awakening journey and started my healing path.

In time, I met a spiritual life coach who was my first mentor to guide me.  Slowly, I learned to reconnect with myself.  I learned to trust my intuition and develop a new sense of self-acceptance as I healed my broken heart and learned to honor my loss and that of my babies.

My healing journey was a long one and looking back, I know it was meant to be that way. In time, I was blessed to meet my baby in spirit through a dream.  I asked him every question I’d ever had and he answered them for me. 

My baby’s name is Bodhi, which means “awakening.”  Bodhi was the catalyst for my healing journey, forever imprinted upon my heart. 

Meeting Bodhi in spirit has profoundly influenced and shaped every facet of my being and my work. My little one has left an amazing legacy and continues to support me in my work with women.  Together, we’re honored to hold space so that other women might know the incredible sense of inner peace and joy that comes with reconciling their grief into grace and reuniting with their baby in spirit, in whatever way is right for them.

It was through my journey that I found healing modalities that still support me today.  I’m an Intuitive mentor, Reiki Master and a channel for our babies in spirit. I blend practices of Reiki, meditation, EFT (tapping), journaling, healing rituals and ceremony to support the awakening, healing and honoring of early pregnancy loss experiences and our little ones in spirit.

HONORING MY TEACHERS

My healing journey has led me down a path of emotional, spiritual and intuitive healing support.  The following teachers and modalities have played a significant role in my growth and ongoing healing work.

Brenda Malloy – For teaching me the path of Reiki and guiding me to my personal journey of becoming a Reiki Master/Teacher.  This was at a time of my first spiritual awakening in which everything was new and I was learning my own inner connection to what is sacred.

Donna Raymond –  For teaching me the art of Ritual and Ceremony and how to hold space as a to facilitate sacred ceremonies.

Graham Nicholls – For gifting me the art of EFT (tapping) to support myself and my clients to experience emotional freedom.

Joy Kingsborough and Sal Jade – Whose guidance supported me in the learning of tarot and the trusting of my own inner wisdom.

Francis Weller – Whose book ‘The Wild Edge of Sorrow’ and his training of ‘An Apprenticeship with Sorrow’ was the very teaching my soul craved to know and understand the depths of my own grief, for this, I will be eternally grateful.  His work has supported me in grief literacy and holding space for grief.

Amy Wright Glenn – The Institute for the Study of Birth, Breath and Death for her teachings on Shadow Work and the Art of Holding Space which awakened me to the work of thresholds and the integrations of personal/collective shadows.

Sora Schilling, Mitle Southey and Jean Shinoda Bolen – Whose facilitation of teaching the sacred work of holding circle has influenced a deeper desire within myself for remembering the magic community and connection, as well as the principles of circle holding.

Carmel Joy Baird, Sal Jade and Kristina Deckard – Whose courses, teachings and faith, created a space for me to tap into and boost my own mediumship abilities and connect as a channel for our babies in spirit. 

Julie Jenkins – Whose Meditation Teacher training granted me the extra confidence to lead others through the study, training, theory, techniques and practical applications of meditation.

I am so grateful to have met (virtually!!) the wonderful Tracey Swainson. She connected in with the baby I lost through miscarriage 15yrs ago. I was so moved by what my baby girl had to say. But I was completely blown away to discover that the soul of this little baby now lives on in my daughter who was born a year after this baby’s due date!! I am still pinching myself that I got to connect with and talk to my daughter’s inner being! Thank you so much Tracey.

Nicole Cusack

I have traveled all over North America for work over the last several years and everywhere I landed I have looked for a Reiki Practitioner to provide healing sessions.  Tracey Swainson is gifted and fabulous! The instant the session began I felt the love healing energy. She knew instinctively where to work on my issues.  I would highly recommend Tracey to everyone! I am very happy to have found her.

Annie Blanchette

Tracey’s tarot reading was UNBELIEVABLY accurate and resonated so much! I’m forever grateful. 

Nancy Ruth Dean