Grief can Show us our Capacity for Love
6 years ago.
Life looked amazing.
Surrounded by beauty.
A loving husband who I adore, family, fur babies and a home full of amazing international students!
From the outside, my life was great. It really was!
On the inside, there was an inner heart ache.
Not present in every moment, but in the dark of night.
The quiet times.
In those solitary moments the tears would fall.
My sadness would bubble up from deep inside.
The on-going question of “Why?!”
No matter how hard I tried to disguise the emptiness that I felt inside, it would always sneak up behind me at the most in-opportune moments!
Setting the table for Thanksgiving for all who would be present, for everyone, except for 5 babies.
Remembering the magic of Christmas as a child, but knowing that we would never have a child who would have that experience.
Birthdays would come and go and no one would ever remember them but me.
Mother’s Day, by far the most difficult day of all!
All of this had been building inside of me for years, the ache of loss.
I didn’t know what to do with all my emotions of grief, I didn’t know how to grieve.
Yet slowly, it bubbled up from deep within.
Until one day, I looked in the mirror.
My soul was crying out for JOY.
That was the moment that everything changed. It wasn’t immediate.
It was slow and gentle, just as it should be.
My healing needed my grief.
It awakened something inside of me and gave me space to begin my journey to peace.
This was my path.
I needed to feel the pain of grief, it could not be by-passed.
I had desperately held onto my grief because it was the last remaining tie I had to my babies. I thought if I let that go, then I would be left with nothing.
And then, who would I be?
Today, I’m so grateful that I chose this path.
I’ve been to the depths and risen up through it all.
I’ve learned that grief can become a friend, who walks by my side to remind me of the magnificence of life!
Grief can be a balm for our broken hearts.
Grief shows us our capacity of love.
Grief is a skill that must be learned.
My journey with grief has taught me to dive deep into nurturing practices that have brought me so much peace.
So that today, I can show you.
So that together, we can shine a light into your shadows of grief.
So, you too, can make peace with your past.
If grief has been present in your life for far too long and you’re curious as to how we can work together, then schedule a complimentary 30-minute chat and let’s see if my work will be a good fit for you.
Peace and Blessings, Tracey
HEALING GRIEF WITH REIKI
If you’ve heard my story, you know that Reiki was a primary factor on my healing journey.
After years of pushing my sadness deep inside because I simply didn’t have the tools or understanding as to how do deal with grief, my sadness reached a point where it bubbled up and out into every aspect of my life.
I knew I had to do something and someone had suggested Reiki to me. I had never heard of it and was pretty skeptical at the time. Yet, I knew I didn’t want to go on, feeling the way I did.
I sought out a Reiki teacher and booked myself in for my first class without even having experienced Reiki for myself, I just knew I needed this!
WHAT IS REIKI?
For those who aren’t too sure, Reiki is a Japanese technique used for stress reduction and relaxation. It’s known for promoting healing all aspects of our body. Emotionally, spiritually, physically and mentally. Often times, it has been offered by laying hands on the body, though they can be held slightly above the body too. It’s been used for thousands of years and the word Reiki actually comes from two Japanese words – Rei and Ki. REI meaning – Higher Knowledge and KI meaning Life Energy.
This Life Energy plays such an important role in our healing journey.
REIKI FOR GRIEF
While Reiki is beneficial for many purposes, as my work is specifically for grief, that’s what I’ll be talking about here.
For those of us who are on a grief journey, you know what grief can do to our bodies. It takes a great deal of energy to grieve. Our heart feels broken, our body feels beaten down and we may feel exhausted on every level!. This is where Reiki comes in.
Our bodies are made of energy and when we feel depleted, Reiki supports us in the most incredible ways.
HERE ARE JUST A FEW WAYS REIKI CAN SUPPORT US ON OUR GRIEF JOURNEY
Relaxes muscle tension
Supports deep relaxation for sound sleep
Reduces blood pressure
Promotes peace and a positive outlook
Many of these symptoms can be associated to our grief journey and its no wonder that so many people, myself included, turn to this gentle yet healing energy to support their body, mind and spirit after suffering a loss of any kind.
My journey to Reiki was one in which allowed me to turn a corner with grief. After years of holding on to grief; sadness, shame, memories and so much more, Reiki became a welcome support for me. Over time, I continued my training and became certified as a Reiki Master/Teacher.
If you or someone you know, has experienced grief in whatever form it may take, please know that I am here to support you on your healing journey.
I welcome you to reach out. I offer both in-person and online healing sessions. Just click this link to schedule a time that works for you.
May you experience compassion, peace and grace through grief,
THE DANCE OF GRIEF
There is no one way that is right. Its what’s right for you.
“Grief never ends… But it changes. It’s a passage, not a place to stay. Grief is not a sign of weakness, nor a lack of faith… It is the price of love.”
I see Grief as a Dance.
You may go left, and then right. You may go forward for a few weeks and then back. There is a flow to this dance that we’ve been invited to participate in, at this moment, at this time in life.
We move in the direction that feels right, its our dance.
What feels right for you, may be completely different for me. We are all in different stages of our dance.
Through it all, keep watch for the blessings that come your way. Be grateful, for even the smallest joys.
One day you may realize, that you have the strength to support someone else who may be where you were in the last stage of your dance.
Remember, this dance is yours.
Be patient, kind and respectful of yourself.
Do it your way. Dance with grace.
Be gentle with yourself when you need gentleness.
Be strong, when you need strength.
Dance Your Way.💗
If you know the grief of pregnancy loss, then I invite you to join my Facebook group, Peace after Pregnancy Loss.
This space is perfect for moms and dads who have experienced pregnancy loss at any time in your life, as it’s never too late to feel peace after pregnancy loss!
PEACE AFTER PREGNANCY LOSS
Have you been watching the Soul Sessions Series?
We’ve been talking about the different emotions of grief that we might experience and this week is all about GUILT!
What it is. How it affects us and some coping skills to support us through this!
Now we all experience guilt throughout our lives from childhood and beyond, but this week we’re talking about how we allow guilt to express its nasty negativity at a time in our life when we’re feeling so vulnerable!
After Pregnancy Loss.
Guilt can mess with our mind and make us believe things about ourselves that simply aren’t true.
It creates a space of self-blame or repressed anger, that we put on ourselves rather than expressing it verbally toward someone else. It eats away on our nerves and effects us mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
I found this quote by Louise Hay and it really made me think!
“Guilt is a totally useless emotion. It never makes anyone feel better, nor does it change a situation”. Louise Hay – You Can Heal Your Life.
How true is that?!
Guilt is a useless emotion that we use to punish ourselves rather than show compassion and forgiveness to the part of us that is in pain!
When we experience Guilt, we feel as though we’ve done something wrong and the questions of WHAT IF? WHY ME? WHAT DID I DO WRONG? IF ONLY? AM I NOT GOOD ENOUGH?
Each of these begin to play a big role in our thought process!
What if? What if I had been healthier? What if I had taken better care of my body?
Why me? I wanted that baby so badly. Why can some women have babies so easily?
What did I do wrong? I thought I was doing everything right, how could this have happened? How could I have prevented this?
Am I not good enough?
I’ve asked these questions myself and I’ll bet you have too!
These questions often lead to self-blame, self-judgement and low self-esteem.
The thing about guilt is that it doesn’t just go away, yet there are steps that you can take to support yourself no matter where you are in your healing journey.
The first thing you can do is Recognize your Feelings.
If there is something that needs changing in your life, now is the time to create an awareness of that.
Then, whether there’s any truth to your feelings or not, Name It.
I feel guilty because…..
By not naming our feelings, whatever they are, we’re unable to come to terms with our loss and emotions.
Too often, our feelings of grief are buried deep in our psyche and we never get any real closure.
So what do we do next?
Recognize whose voice you’re listening to.
Are you listening to the voice of truth? Or the voice of lies? The voice of your heart will always leave you feeling a sense of peace. The voice of guilt will leave you feeling constricted, fearful and feeling small.
I leave you with this… Choose the one that will raise your vibration to one of peace.
This is a big one and its highly unlikely that you did anything wrong and certainly NO ONE blames you!
Forgiveness is for you and you alone. By forgiving yourself, you begin to release the hold that the feeling of guilt plays a part of in your life and allows a new feeling of peace to be created.
I love to use affirmations with my healing work and here are some that I thought you might enjoy too!
I am at peace.
I now release all guilt, struggle and blame.
I am full of love, compassion and peace for myself and my life.
I allow myself to soften and relax.
Come join our community of heart-centered women, where we come together here to support each other, share, connect and create new friendships through grief and healing.
Peace after Pregnancy Loss
Here you’ll find my Top 12 ways to support your own healing after miscarriage…
JOURNAL: When I began to like I was ready to heal my broken heart after years of holding onto the grief and sadness of my miscarriages, I didn’t know how to release the tremendous pain that I felt and yet still hold on to the memory of my babies. A friend suggested I journal. Soon I found myself writing letters to each of my babies and through putting pen to paper, I realized that my soul craved the quiet time of reflection, connection, release and honoring.
FEEL ALL OF YOUR FEELINGS: This is so hard yet its an integral step to healing your heartache. Lean into the depths of your soul and let your feelings rise. Recognize each one of them, honor them, the dark ones and the light ones. If you don’t give yourself the time and space to fully grieve through it all, it will come back in some other form.
CRYSTALS FOR GRIEF: Rose Quartz, I’ve carried it in my pockets, laid it under my pillow and kept it close by my journal when I write. I love this crystal! The rose quartz is a crystal for unconditional love, it supports the heart during times of heavy grief and sadness.
Apache Tears, this is one I’ve recently been introduced to. There’s a legend that goes with this stone which you can look up, but Apache Tears is very supportive during grief and helps to keep you in the present moment rather than the past.
Ruby Zoisite, another favourite, helps to release heartache.
Mangano Calcite a very gentle stone for when you feel like you are drowning in grief, it makes you feel as though your angels are wrapping you in love.
CEREMONY: This can be as special or sacred as you like. You could plant a tree in memory of your baby. You could gather your family, light a candle and say a prayer or write a poem that you’ll always treasure. You may want to blow up some biodegradable balloons and release them on your baby’s first birthday. Make this exactly what you need to support your healing.
ABSOLUTE ROSE OIL: Just a tiny drop on your finger to gently massage into your heart chakra (both front and back) When your heart feels broken, this will support you to keep an open heart.
COZY UP IN YOUR FAVORITE BLANKET: No words needed here, sometimes this is like a hug from your favorite granny.
CLEAR THE ENERGY OF YOUR SPACE: Use sage, a bay leaf, incense or an essential oil diffuser to clear any negative energy in your home. Be sure to open a window or two to all the smoke and negative energy to pass through your home.
NAME YOUR BABY: For some parents this may be too difficult to do. If your baby passed very early,some parents choose for something simple like peanut or jellybean. Yet for others, it makes their baby more real. Honor your heart in all you do and if this is right for you, then the perfect name will present itself.
JEWELRY: Honor yourself and your baby with a beautiful piece of jewelry that will commemorate the month they were to be born. You’ll always have a little piece of them close to your heart.
CREATE A SACRED MEMORY BOX: This can be such a special opportunity to pour your heart into something beautiful for yourself and your little angel. In here, you can place your journal or any little treasures you collected for this baby. Sometimes you need to do something creative when your feelings are just so overwhelming and creating a memory box can feel so comforting. This is a wonderful idea, you could line it with silk and put a little teddy bear in there, your pregnancy test stick, a letter or any other little mementos.
SELF CARE: Whether you have a luxurious bubble bath, book a massage, buy some flowers or gather your family and friends, make time that you can devote to some sacred self care.
SEE A COUNSELOR, HEALER OR GRIEF COACH: If you’ve recently lost your baby, your pain may be very raw. Healing your heartache of your pregnancy loss is a very personal choice. You must go through this healing journey; however, you can do it a way that is right you. Please ensure you seek the support that will be helpful to you right now. You do not have to go through this alone.
If you’ve got questions or would you like to have support through your healing journey, I invite you to connect with me for a free 20 minute Soul Care Call
You’re welcome to join myself and other women in my supportive Face Book group, Peace after Pregnancy Loss .