She lacks confidence,
She craves admiration insatiably.
She lives on the reflections of herself in the eyes of others.
She does not dare to be herself.”
– Anais Nin
Lately, I’ve been curious as to how our Children of Light are here to support those of us who are healers and space holders.
What I’m learning is that we’re definitely not alone in the work that we’re meant to do. Our Light Children are here to take an active role in participating in our personal healing and our healing work. This came through so strongly in a message I received from my son, Bodhi as I asked how our Light Children are here to support us. His reply is below.
“We have chosen this work with you to assist in the spiritual healing of this planet through the wombs of our earth mothers.
It is where they create life and where healing begins.
Through the womb is where the energy of healing is birthed.
We work with you in sending out the vibrations of your energy field through the realms within which you choose to work.
Think of us as an extension of you, for that is what we are.
As we both chose this journey to expand through the portal of both life and death, we are here to do our work in Spirit, through you.
Think of a utensil that you would use in the kitchen. With your own hands you can do so much, but add a spoon, whisk or grater and together, magic is made!
We are that extension.
We agreed that this experience would be your awakening and so it has on many levels.
Now you are entering a whole new experience by offering your gift of healing to others.
As you now have invited me to journey with you, I stand by your side and together our work is witnessed and fulfilled.
The same will be true with each woman who chooses to work within our energy field.
First, she must know her own healing and then with her Child of Light, as you say, together their healing work will spread across the planet.
Through the earth.
Through ancestral lines.
Out through the cosmos.
There is no end in sight, for as we work in earth form and spirit form, all will know peace in their own way.
Light fields are expanded forwards and backwards across light fields.
When you choose to work with us, our light expands through portals of healing.
So, yes. You wonder how we support you?
It is through the work of lifetimes together that you have chosen to awaken and heal with us, as a part of your experience and then, to expand your healing work beyond what can be imagined.
And so it is.”
(In case you’re curious, often times our Children of Light present themselves as energy when they connect with me. The image above is how Bodhi came through to me in this channeling.)
When I first began my healing journey, I had no idea how to begin. What I did recognize early on though, was that I desperately wanted to find a way to honor my initiation with death.
I wanted to create a space where my grief felt held.
I didn’t realize at the time that learning to honor grief would become an integral part of my life and my life’s work.
What I did know, was that I had held on to my grief for far too long and I needed a space to hold it. Through this, I slowly began to learn how to honor my pregnancy losses and my babies.
I didn’t grow up with ritual in my life and so my grief work began. I slowly began to step into spiritual practices. This taught me to trust my intuition, honor my loss, and deepen into my own mystical ways.
Ritual for pregnancy loss can be a catalyst to step deeper into your healing while creating a soulful connection with your baby in spirit.
One book that has been an integral part of my understanding of grief is The Wild Edge of Sorrow by Francis Weller. In his book, he says “Ritual offers us the two things required to fully let go of the grief we carry: Containment and Release. Containment offers the holding space for the ones in grief. It provides the safe place to fall, to descend into the depths of both the known and unknown layers of sorrow.”
Ask yourself why you are crafting this ritual, what is the purpose of it, then be guided by all the senses as drop into the liminal space.
You might want to create a private space so you will be able to surrender, allowing your tears to flow as you consciously grieve the loss of your baby, in whatever way is right for you. Be gentle with yourself and remember to breathe.
You may desire to have a special candle specifically for your ritual. Or essential oils to calm your energetic system, allowing it to relax. You may desire to lay in a warm bath or listen to music as you move your body in a way that connects you with your soul. You may want to journal or write a letter to your child.
Surrender to the Divine all expectations as to how this must unfold, and trust what feels right and allow your soul to guide your healing journey.
I was so sad and that weak smile wasn’t really masking the sadness I felt inside.
I did my best to stay busy caring for others without a care for my own well-being. I thought that in my busy-ness, I would be able to hide my true emotions. I thought that if I kept busy caring for others, maybe I would feel worthy.
Maybe, if I ‘acted’ happy I might be able to hide my true feelings and “act as if” all was ok.
Yet once again, I felt as though I did not belong.
I traveled. I married. We traveled some more.
And then we were blessed to be expecting a baby, only to lose that baby to miscarriage and four more after that.
I came to realize that my dream of motherhood was not meant to be.
Once again, I put on a brave face, masking my sadness with a smile.
Does this feel familiar? As women without children, we often feel invisible in communities of grandmothers, mothers and children and through wearing our own emotional masks, we feel we protect ourselves in the best way we know how, by covering up our feelings of unworthiness.
Healing my own wounds of unworthiness were a big part of my journey.
I felt so much shame in that I couldn’t give my husband children or our parents, grandchildren.
I would see moms with pregnant bellies, and spiral into my own self-pity. The world around me appeared to be filled with mothers and babies and in the midst of it all, I felt invisible.
There came a time though that I felt so lost and finally reached the point of surrender. I would do whatever I had to do, to find myself again.
When you begin to trust your heart and remove your emotional masks, you will.
Confidently learn to take up space.
Activate a sacred remembrance, remembering that you are whole, even in your sadness.
Remember that you belong and that you are worthy!
You will even learn how necessary grief work is, even years after baby loss or the loss of motherhood.
I see you.
You move through life with a brave face.
Hiding your pain deep inside.
You ache for others to know that you too, are a mother.
You feel a sense of intense grief of having empty arms with no child to fill them.
You feel invisible in a world of mothers and grandmothers, seen and yet not seen.
You cringe when asked “How many children do you have?”
And you wonder, ‘do I tell them?’
Maybe you choose to say that you have no children but then you heart aches, as only you know the truth.
It takes so much energy to share that you are a mother of pregnancy loss.
You long to say ‘Yes!’ ‘I’m a mother too!’ You long to acknowledge your children, but will they understand? Will you be met once again with a very awkward silence?
There may be no right or wrong answer, accept to trust your heart.
I am here to say, I acknowledge you.
I see you as the mother you are.
I am with you.
I too, am a childless mother. I’ve had five pregnancy losses. I’ve also had the joy of connecting with my spirit baby that showed me that he passed through my body each time.
His name is Bodhi Sean.
It took me so many years to reach this place. To say that I am a mother. To feel a sense of peace, connection and belonging.
My spirit baby became the vessel of my personal healing journey, and for that I am so grateful.
I wish the same peace for you too.
So, dear childless mother, no matter where you are on your healing journey, all I ask is that you learn to be gentle with yourself. If you choose to claim to your world that you are a mother too, I stand beside you and claim that for you. If it feels too much, and it feels better to keep this close to your heart, I honor that within you too.
Whatever you choose, remember this, you belong.
You are a mother too.
My clients seek to honor their grief and to show up in their world feeling at peace, deeply connected and full of joy. They may be on a spiritual path or are awakening through their grief healing journey, either way, they’ve come to a point where they desire to be supported and come home home to their soul. If this feels like you, click here to book a 20-minute session and let’s see if we’re a good fit!