She lacks confidence,
She craves admiration insatiably.
She lives on the reflections of herself in the eyes of others.
She does not dare to be herself.”
– Anais Nin
When I first began my healing journey, I had no idea how to begin. What I did recognize early on though, was that I desperately wanted to find a way to honor my initiation with death.
I wanted to create a space where my grief felt held.
I didn’t realize at the time that learning to honor grief would become an integral part of my life and my life’s work.
What I did know, was that I had held on to my grief for far too long and I needed a space to hold it. Through this, I slowly began to learn how to honor my pregnancy losses and my babies.
I didn’t grow up with ritual in my life and so my grief work began. I slowly began to step into spiritual practices. This taught me to trust my intuition, honor my loss, and deepen into my own mystical ways.
Ritual for pregnancy loss can be a catalyst to step deeper into your healing while creating a soulful connection with your baby in spirit.
One book that has been an integral part of my understanding of grief is The Wild Edge of Sorrow by Francis Weller. In his book, he says “Ritual offers us the two things required to fully let go of the grief we carry: Containment and Release. Containment offers the holding space for the ones in grief. It provides the safe place to fall, to descend into the depths of both the known and unknown layers of sorrow.”
Ask yourself why you are crafting this ritual, what is the purpose of it, then be guided by all the senses as drop into the liminal space.
You might want to create a private space so you will be able to surrender, allowing your tears to flow as you consciously grieve the loss of your baby, in whatever way is right for you. Be gentle with yourself and remember to breathe.
You may desire to have a special candle specifically for your ritual. Or essential oils to calm your energetic system, allowing it to relax. You may desire to lay in a warm bath or listen to music as you move your body in a way that connects you with your soul. You may want to journal or write a letter to your child.
Surrender to the Divine all expectations as to how this must unfold, and trust what feels right and allow your soul to guide your healing journey.
I was so sad and that weak smile wasn’t really masking the sadness I felt inside.
I did my best to stay busy caring for others without a care for my own well-being. I thought that in my busy-ness, I would be able to hide my true emotions. I thought that if I kept busy caring for others, maybe I would feel worthy.
Maybe, if I ‘acted’ happy I might be able to hide my true feelings and “act as if” all was ok.
Yet once again, I felt as though I did not belong.
I traveled. I married. We traveled some more.
And then we were blessed to be expecting a baby, only to lose that baby to miscarriage and four more after that.
I came to realize that my dream of motherhood was not meant to be.
Once again, I put on a brave face, masking my sadness with a smile.
Does this feel familiar? As women without children, we often feel invisible in communities of grandmothers, mothers and children and through wearing our own emotional masks, we feel we protect ourselves in the best way we know how, by covering up our feelings of unworthiness.
Healing my own wounds of unworthiness were a big part of my journey.
I felt so much shame in that I couldn’t give my husband children or our parents, grandchildren.
I would see moms with pregnant bellies, and spiral into my own self-pity. The world around me appeared to be filled with mothers and babies and in the midst of it all, I felt invisible.
There came a time though that I felt so lost and finally reached the point of surrender. I would do whatever I had to do, to find myself again.
When you begin to trust your heart and remove your emotional masks, you will.
Confidently learn to take up space.
Activate a sacred remembrance, remembering that you are whole, even in your sadness.
Remember that you belong and that you are worthy!
You will even learn how necessary grief work is, even years after baby loss or the loss of motherhood.
I see you.
You move through life with a brave face.
Hiding your pain deep inside.
You ache for others to know that you too, are a mother.
You feel a sense of intense grief of having empty arms with no child to fill them.
You feel invisible in a world of mothers and grandmothers, seen and yet not seen.
You cringe when asked “How many children do you have?”
And you wonder, ‘do I tell them?’
Maybe you choose to say that you have no children but then you heart aches, as only you know the truth.
It takes so much energy to share that you are a mother of pregnancy loss.
You long to say ‘Yes!’ ‘I’m a mother too!’ You long to acknowledge your children, but will they understand? Will you be met once again with a very awkward silence?
There may be no right or wrong answer, accept to trust your heart.
I am here to say, I acknowledge you.
I see you as the mother you are.
I am with you.
I too, am a childless mother. I’ve had five pregnancy losses. I’ve also had the joy of connecting with my spirit baby that showed me that he passed through my body each time.
His name is Bodhi Sean.
It took me so many years to reach this place. To say that I am a mother. To feel a sense of peace, connection and belonging.
My spirit baby became the vessel of my personal healing journey, and for that I am so grateful.
I wish the same peace for you too.
So, dear childless mother, no matter where you are on your healing journey, all I ask is that you learn to be gentle with yourself. If you choose to claim to your world that you are a mother too, I stand beside you and claim that for you. If it feels too much, and it feels better to keep this close to your heart, I honor that within you too.
Whatever you choose, remember this, you belong.
You are a mother too.
My clients seek to honor their grief and to show up in their world feeling at peace, deeply connected and full of joy. They may be on a spiritual path or are awakening through their grief healing journey, either way, they’ve come to a point where they desire to be supported and come home home to their soul. If this feels like you, click here to book a 20-minute session and let’s see if we’re a good fit!
What do you think of when you think of grief?
How does it make you feel?
Can you spot a grieving person when you pass them on the street?
All too often in life, we do not have the space to fully grieve. We many not have the understanding or the knowledge to move through the waves of emotion that want to flow through us and so we bury our grief deep inside.
You might have thought that you didn’t want to talk about it because it was so crushingly painful, you’re not sure if you could function.
Maybe you don’t have a supportive person in your life that you feel safe enough to process that level of grief with.
And so, you push it down in hopes that one day the pain will virtually disappear.
I can relate in many ways. For far too long, I buried my grief deep inside. Desperately hoping that one day my heartache would simply dissipate.
The truth is, it didn’t.
I could function normally. I could laugh, and love and embrace moments in each day but when the darkness came, so did the many layers of my sadness.
No matter how hard I tried, my grief would find its way into many moments of my life.
As you can see, there are many faces to grief.
Grief can appear in tears and anxiety. It may look like envy or excitement. It can also look like fear, love or sympathy for another.
Yet, it is always there until the moment comes, that your soul cries out for something more.
In my case, it was JOY. I had a deep, inner longing that came from the depths of my soul, that longing was joy.
When I came to the realization, that I simply didn’t want to go through life any longer carrying the weight of my grief, that is the moment that I surrendered.
I cried out to the Universe for help.
That help came in a variety of forms. New friends, a coach, reiki, a spiritual practice and finally, a connection with my spirit baby.
With the passing of days, weeks and months, I began to feel a sense of deep inner peace and eventually, I found JOY.
So, this is my question for you. What unresolved grief are you holding on to? Are you ready to let it go?
I’m an Intuitive Grief Mentor and I hold space for the emotional and spiritual well-being of people who are ready to experience grace through grief.
this resonates with you, then click the link below and let’s have a chat to see how I can support you further.
It’s in those quiet moments. The ones with no other distractions. Its the feeling deep inside that yearns for peace.
The longing for the ecstasy of pure joy.
The desire for a new experience, adventure, career or to deepen our spiritual practice.
The yearning to belong.
We feel this in the stillness. We hear these whispers from deep inside.
The trouble with unresolved grief is that it takes up so much of our emotional capacity that it can be difficult to open up to what we truly long for.
Through the grieving process, we sometimes begin to take on new beliefs.
Beliefs that tell us, Life is hard or I feel so broken. What if I’m not enough? Why did this happen to me? or It was so long ago, why should I bother trying?
These and many more statements are what we take on and over time, become blocks that keep us from feeling whole and complete.
This state of mind leaves us feeling broken and dis-empowered. However, as we open to our healing journey and begin to make peace with our past, we see that these are statements held in the midst of deep pain.
They are not truths.
We might feel out of alignment and this often becomes a journey of its own. A seeking to know our truth.
As we become more aware, we begin to realize that we have not been listening to our heart-centered self, our soul.
An easy way to begin to make this shift is to start a gratitude practice. Whether you write what you’re grateful for in a journal or consciously notice on waking in the morning what you’re grateful for, gratitude changes everything.
We slowly begin to notice the thoughts that used to be “Why did this happen to me?” shift to “Life is happening for me!”
This in itself is empowerment!
“In Stillness lives wisdom.
In Quiet you’ll find peace.
In Solitude, you’ll remember yourself.”
– Robin Sharma
Its so true; in the stillness we notice new feelings, thoughts or ideas that will lead us to discovering our true, authentic self. We feel the sun begin to rise again within our being, with a new sense of joy. We begin to remember!
When we are open to hearing the whispers of our soul, our long-buried emotions can become our greatest messengers of healing and emotional freedom, creating an opportunity to transform our grief and live a more empowered, fulfilling life.
As peace seekers, change makers, visionaries and creatives, we are here to share our medicine in a deep capacity and yet, as the saying goes, we cannot serve from an empty cup. It is possible to create space for our inner healing and serve others, without losing the sacredness of the journey. We must learn to sit in the stillness and listen to what is rising from deep within, so we may find our way to inner peace through our intuition, the whispers of our soul.
Take some time over the next week to just get quiet. Getting out in nature always works for me, but do what feels good for you. In the stillness, allow yourself to be a witness to the whispers from your soul. What do you long for? What changes are you ready to make? What are you inviting into your life?